even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A+ Viking dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
