My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
