well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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