I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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