and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
