threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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