I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
