you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
