Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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