Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
