Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
