yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
