If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
