Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
