I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
