Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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