He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
