Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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