I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
