Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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