Your dad touched me again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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