what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm really busy with my period
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