And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
