My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
