No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
