why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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