We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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