You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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