Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
