So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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