i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
