this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
