I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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