it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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