Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
