he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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