Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
