Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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