If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
