pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
