you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
