She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Two words: nipple clamps
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