i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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