So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
