On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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