this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
