So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
