I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
