there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
