what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
