We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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