dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
