I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
